It’s been a while… I guess I think that sharing my thoughts on here have to be long and drawn out to be worth it – I think I had the wrong idea. I felt like a hypocrite this past Sunday night when I explained to the girls in the small group I help lead that journaling and/or writing your experiences somewhere is helpful to the soul. I explained I hate journaling – my hand moves ten times slower than the thoughts in my head – so I can never get down what I am actually thinking. Now, while I won’t be sharing my deepest and darkest secrets with the world through a blog I can at least share some.
Right now, I feel like I am standing on a precipice. Wait, let me give a little back story… I have never done well with change – it makes me nervous and makes my thoughts race. For someone who needs to be prepared for all things, change can be unnerving. I moved to Orlando to try to begin to move past my uneasiness with change. I forced myself into something new, knowing that dealing with the changes would be good for me.
Well, I just started to get used to things and many things have changes again – hence the precipice. I have a job offer (which, duh, I am taking) to work with S.L.U. – Student Leadership University (www.studentleadership.net – check ‘em out). SLU is a Christian organization that teaches leadership skills and invaluable knowledge and wisdom to thousands of students across the country. They take them all over the world to do it too – Orlando, Washington D.C., Europe and Jerusalem! Not only do they impact students directly but also hold wonderful training opportunities for Youth Pastors across the country – Youth Pastors Institute and Youth Pastors Summit. It’s my dream job!!! I feel like God has built me to do this job – administration, relational skills, servant leadership and working with students! Needless to say, I am ecstatic.
Here’s the thing…. my start date keeps getting moved back (budget stuff) Early Fall, Middle of October and now the beginning of November. Have you ever felt like you knew what was coming next and you were just waiting to be allowed to start? Don’t get me wrong, starting later doesn’t make me want the job any less – it just makes me a bit more antsy.
Alright, so the job front has changed and we also just launched our first service for The Ascent (www.theascent.com). It was wonderful! On this past Saturday night, I watched a community of believers act like the community Jesus intended for His Church. I was touched and blessed to have been a part of and to get to be a part of what is to come.
I have also begun a new aspect of ministry. In nature it isn’t new – high school girls. But the faces, personalities and dynamics are new. The Youth Ministry at Windermere Community Church is also shifting into new gears – it’s going to be exciting and amazing.
On top of all that, the new relationships I have begun and old ones I have grown have been the biggest blessing. In this season of my life, my relationships have been taught and encouraged me more than ever before. There are so many people in my life that have become teachers, friends and heroes.
All these changes are wonderful blessings – they’re just that though, changes. While I am joyed to be in the middle of them, I am still uncomfortable with the unfamiliar. I feel like I am in the middle of a dream I’ve had before – I walk into my life and there is everything I have asked for. All I do is spin around taking it all in and am stunned to silence. I shake my head in disbelief because I know I don’t deserve any of it. I feel like I should leave – like it doesn’t all belong to me.
I am in a grateful state – realizing that none of the blessings in my life are those which I have earned or deserved. God has showered them all on me because of His love and grace. It’s a wonderful feeling.
As the Buddhist Gandhi once said “Be the change you wish to see in the world. ”
Change has a considerable psychological impact on the human mind. To the fearful it is threatening because it means that things may get worse. To the hopeful it is encouraging because things may get better. To the confident it is inspiring because the challenge exists to make things better.
To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly.
Please don’t say that you are not deserving!!!
These changes are who you are…who God made you to be!
I love you and am soooooooooooooooooooooo proud of you!